The Philosophy of Father Replacement
Many churches and Para-church organizations do little to Promote Fatherhood after Divorce
Below is an excerpt from a message by Jim Daly on Fatherlessness. Jim is the President and CEO of Focus on the Family. The same message is taught by the Boy Scouts, Big Brothers of America, and many psychologists and Christian Leaders. As a result, many churches simply throw divorced dads "under the bus" -- and out of their kids lives -- by following the approach recommended below, while doing little to nothing to promote reconciliation between fathers and their children.
In his book Bringing Up Boys, Dr. Dobson compiled a list of additional ideas for those who wish to invest themselves in the lives of children — and particularly males — who don't have a father figure at home. I have included that excerpt below; perhaps it will provide you with some food for thought as you consider how you might become involved in this issue.
"As a single mother, you must make an all-out effort to find a father-substitute for your boys. An uncle or a neighbor or a coach or a musical director or a Sunday-school teacher may do the trick. Placing your boy under the influence of such a man for even a single hour per week can make a great difference. Get them involved in Boy Scouts, Boy's Club, soccer or Little League. Give your boys biographies, and take them to movies or rent videos that focus on strong masculine (but moral) heroes." James C. Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, Emphasis Added
I am certain that there are cases where the Father really was a bad influence, as an alcoholic, or a criminal, and/or who didn't want to be involved with his Children. And in such cases Dr. Dobson's advice is quite applicable. But I also know that Dr. Dobson once said that the average father in America only spent 2-5 minutes a day interacting with his toddler: or so claimed the study he referred to. The point Dobson was making was that the average father in America apparently doesn't, or didn't, care all that much about his Children. I use the word "didn't" because I suspect the study he referred to is at least 25, if not 30, years old, or more. This is important because Focus on the Family's policy for the past 30 years has not been to make much, if any, effort to reconcile children with their fathers after divorce, but rather to replace them. For example, while conducting a search of their web site, I could not find any listing for Sanford Braver, Warren Farrell, Stephen Baskerville, nor Alec Baldwin's Book on the nightmare of going through a high conflict divorce "in most states" -- including California.
For those who don't know, Dr. Braver received a Ten Million Dollar federal grant to conduct what was perhaps the largest study ever on Fatherlessness. Its purpose was to determine why so many fathers are calling it quits (on parenting) within three years after a divorce. Dr. Braver concluded, and other researchers now agree, that there are six different stereotypes of divorced fathers that are not true: including the assertion that they don't really care about their children or want to remain involved after a divorce. Dr. Warren Farrell and Prof. Stephen Baskerville have written similar books that came to the same conclusion. Professor Baskerville also asserts that the government is -- by negligence, mismanagement, and/or on purpose -- actually contributing to the problem. He has numerous articles on the Internet, and videos on YouTube. Dr. Farrell has also taken an active role via the Internet, TV appearances and various books; however, these men have thus far received little media attention: perhaps because their message is NOT one that the media wants to hear, nor Focus on the Family, nor our leaders, and Obama, for his part, now wants to be able to Shut Down the Internet.
One pastor told me that I was the first person to tell him what is going on in Divorce courts all over our land. One possible reason for this is because many fathers who are divorced are so despondent that they drop out of church: another reason is because Christian leaders have thus far done virtually nothing to expose what's going on: much less to actually solve the problem of needlessly separating hundreds of thousands of fathers (and mothers) from their children each year in the U.S. -- after as much money as possible is confiscated from them by so-called "family courts." I myself encountered this apathy at various different churches that I attended, and where I was told to just forgive, be quiet, and forget about my Daughter: who is now growing up without a Father: because after over Five years of Robbing me, I stopped paying professional Liars and Thieves to cover up what was going on and to tell lies to a court that didn't really care: about anything other than how to spin the facts into a few more ten's of thousands of Dollars. See Where Have all the Fathers Gone for more details on what is really going on in Family Court all across our land. See also "How the System works" to confiscate Max-Loot.
I also discovered that there is virtually no mention of legalized kidnapping in the "Divorce Care" classes that are promoted by many churches: meaning no mention of fathers (or mothers) who can no longer "visit" their Children, nor any discussion of Luke 14:16-26 or 18:28-30, nor of any divorced fathers who were forced to choose between doing God's will, or their wife's and/or their Children's will. Instead divorced parents are trodden upon and robbed by our courts, belittled as failures or "deadbeats," thrown "under the bus," and ordered to Pay for children they can no longer even "visit." And God help them if they ever lose their job, or DARE to stop paying for Lieyer 1 & "Child Support." Why not rather point fingers at cowardly Judges who would sooner commit legal Kidnapping (over 'minor parenting issues,' 'minutia,' and fibs), than to scold a Single Mom: much less a fellow court-buddy who told Lots of Lies, and/or fibs, and/or "misstatements of fact," while committing another mass-loot-extraction from another Kid Sale?
For example, after my divorce, I was forced to choose between my Love for God and my Love for my daughter: as my former spouse and her (4th) Lieyer 1 were determined to force me out of my daughter's life: even if it meant compromising their integrity many times. One former parent told me that I "wouldn't believe (his) case." Another parent told me she spent $440,000 fighting with her former (police officer) husband in Court: and that she was also forced out of her Children's lives and didn't see them for six years.
As a result of my custody battle, I realized that Family Court officials are, for all practical purposes, above the law. This is because they have insulated themselves from the rest of us via release of liability forms, Litigation Privilege, State licensing Boards, and Judge-Buddies who function as Musk Oxen to turn "Quasi-judicial immunity" into Full Judicial immunity. This applies not only to lawyers, but therapists, psychologists, FCS social workers, and private "licensed clinical" social workers as well.
For unlike other courts, one cannot check the history of cases (i.e. investigate) that family law attorneys, private mediators, psychologist, and/or family court judges have worked on. Thus further preventing accountability. And rather than do something to improve the situation, the Federal Government actually contributes to the problem by offering financial incentives to the States for collecting as much money as possible from alienated parents: along with $4,000 -- $6,000 monthly paychecks for placing children in Foster Care.
The divorce Business is so out of control that between 83-93% of fathers who are dragged through Family Court gauntlets come out childless, and/or broke. According to Dr. Farrell, divorced fathers are ten times more likely to commit suicide than divorced mothers. In the United States alone it is estimated that 15,000 divorced fathers commit suicide each year, as a result of their divorce.
Professor Baskerville thinks it is time we take another look at what is going on. Dr. Warren Farrell and Dr. Sanford Braver agree, as do multitudes of former parents who have witnessed the corruption up-close. One San Diego mother said that the public would be better off if Yellow Police Tape with the words "Crime Scene" were strung across the entrance to our Family Courts and if they were all shut down. I and many others agree that it is time to Reform our Courts and to clean up some of the MESS that Above the Law lawyers, therapists, social workers, and legislators have created.
1. A Lawyer who tells lies in Court:: and who may have Selective Mutism and/or False Disorder Syndrome
It's Time to Wake Up
Reforming the Family Courts
Where Have All the Father's Gone
Band-Aid # 2: Title IV-D Federal Funds
What God thinks of using Children to commit Extortion
What God thinks of Leaders who refuse to speak out against Evil